Le Threesome!
by xxxKei
Summary: Two-shot. As if Rukia's marriage to Ichigo wasn't enough, her failure to understand the correct terminology of 'threesome' leads to a funny misunderstanding, at Renji's expense. IchiRuki marriage, one-sided RenRuki, and a hint of IshiHime, ByaHisa and HichiRuki.
1. Le Threesome!

**My first actual one-shot!**

**Contains humour, emotions, and my attempt at a realistic take on a possible Bleach future.**

**This is for my two loves, Tori and Connie~ You know who you are.**

**Pairings: **Ichigo x Rukia marriage with background, Renji's one-sided love, Ishida x Orihime baby, Byakuya x Hisana. Hichigo x Rukia implied.

Enjoy-

* * *

Rukia sat grimly at the bar of Soul Society's Women's Association, rolling her cup of sake in her hand and pouting. It currently resided in the Kuchiki mansion, after Byakuya built up a wall when they moved the establishment there, much to her brother's dismay; workers were still picking sakura petals off the pool debris. She took a sip off the potent liquor, but a hard smack on her back caused her to spit it out and choke.

"Aha!"

Rukia coughed and rubbed her neck irritated when the woman casually passed an arm around her shoulders as if they were best friends.

"Are you drunk, Matsumoto?" she asked, eyeing the woman who had clearly had a few more drinks.

Rangiku sat next to her on the stool with a cunning smile and rested her head on her fist. "You know, it's true what they say, married people do rub off on each other!" she giggled. "I hope your hair doesn't turn orange too!"

Rukia gave the woman a sideways glance and resumed her drink in grim silence, until an elbow poked her side. "Come on, Kuchiki-san! You never come here and now you come and won't talk? You sure you aren't blood related to captain Kuchiki?"

The raven haired woman sighed. "I'm just dealing with some things, Matsumoto."

The strawberry blonde rested her chin on her fists and looked at Rukia closely, with wide eyes. "Spill it, sister. We all go through shit around here."

Rukia thought about it. Since when had she confided to another woman? She could hardly remember, to be honest. Usually her best friend and confidant was Ichigo. "Well... Ichigo and I... we haven't... been together for some time."

The woman next to her blinked. "How long?"

Rukia blushed and pointed four fingers in the air.

"FOUR YEARS?" squealed Rangiku.

"Not four years!" retorted Rukia, beetroot red. "Four weeks!" In the ten years of their marriage, it was a record, unless one of them was gone on a mission. But Ichigo made sure to come back to her as soon as possible, not to mention he intervened in her work to spend some time together.

"You think he's having an affair? Captain Kuchiki will chop his balls off with Senbonzakura!" Rangiku punched her fist on the counter.

"No no no no!" Rukia shook her head. If there was one thing she was adamant on, it was trusting her husband. "It's not like that! We had a fight and since then..."

"What were you fighting about?"

Rukia frowned. "Well, my birthday is coming up and I went to see Renji, because I had missed him. Honestly, the last time I saw Renji was at my wedding! And I know nii-sama had made him go! He's been avoiding me like the plague ever since! So, I thought we could reconcile, but he turned me away. So, I asked Ichigo to talk to him, since I know they see each other in the Men's Association, but Ichigo went ballistic! So, we fought because I wanted to salvage our friendship, but Ichigo thought he doesn't deserve it." She sighed. "Can't I just have my husband and my oldest friend too?"

Rangiku blinked and scooted closer to Rukia with a smirk. "Of course you can, little Kuchiki. You can..." she winked. "... do it threeway. You know, a threesome. I doubt Abarai would say no to that." Honestly, the only person oblivious to Renji's crush on her, was Rukia.

The raven haired woman looked at the blonde perplexed. "What's a threesome?"

Rangiku snorted and winked meaningfully. "You know... camping for three?"

Rukia looked ahead and a light bulb switched in her head. One day in Inuzuri, when they were still young teens, she, Renji and Haku had gone camping together. They'd made a tent out of old rugs and branches and gotten an apple for each. They were cold, but they had so much fun that day... How wonderful would it be! She, Ichigo and Renji going camping together! He'd get to see how good a friend Renji could be and the Pineapple would see that past the cold exterior, Ichigo was a great companion.

She turned to Rangiku with a huge smile. "Thank you, Rangiku! I'm going to tell him right now!"

* * *

Ichigo finally returned home that night, with his back sore from the hollows. Seriously, was he a bad captain? When you order your squad members to move out of the way so that you can wipe some Hollow ass off the face of the Earth, they are supposed to MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY! Not get hit by him too! Damn, he'd had to carry those jackasses to Unohana AND he'd heard it from the Old Goat Commander! Un-fucking-believable!

Well, at least he was home. Home being a small, but warm house a little out of the commotion of Seireitei. On their wedding day, he'd promised Rukia to get her a mansion bigger than Byakuya's (he'd probably have to buy half of Gotei, but what the hell). But as he and Rukia were passing by the outskirts one day, she saw it and he just knew it was going to be their home by the look in her eyes. Byakuya called it a 'temporary, until Kurosaki makes something of himself', but the couple had turned it into their nest. A nest for warmth, rest and love-making.

As of lately, it had been a place of argue, tension and cock-blocking. And no one would cave in. Rukia was still trying to revive her childhood friendship with the Pineapple and he would have been fine with it, if he didn't know what the red head wished he could do every time he saw her. Ichigo had been through it. He'd had dreams about he and Rukia long before he manned up to come clean. And he had gotten the girl, and no one had the right to want to take her from him. Rukia was strong and smart, but sometimes, she could be silly about the simplest of things.

Speaking of, where was his wife? He'd missed her, he really did. Rukia was his lover, but she was also his closest, truest friend. And the one-day mother of the 'last reasons for his Old Man to live'. He sat on the couch in the middle of their modest living room, resting his forehead in his hands. He didn't want to fight... he wanted Rukia back. Their long talks. Their silent moments. Their hot sex. The kisses she'd peck on his face to wake him up. The fake excuses she'd make that she was cold at night so that he'd hold her.

"Ichigo...?" her sweet voice blew in his ears and he turned with a weary smile.

Rukia returned the affection and approached him, walking with fluid and light steps. She wore a simple purple kimono, but she looked lovely and smelled of lilacs and roses. God he'd missed her. Given her small stature and swift movements, she quickly slipped behind him on the couch and brought her arms around his neck in an embrace.

"I don't want to fight any more, baby..." Ichigo sighed and leaned into her, enjoying her soft strokes on his chest and the kisses she pecked on his neck.

"Me neither. I miss you, Ichigo..."

"I know," he smiled up at her. "Besides, your birthday's coming up and I want us to celebrate it."

"Mmmm..." Rukia nuzzled her nose in his neck happily. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. There's one thing I want for my birthday."

"What?" He craned his neck to the side to kiss her cheek.

"Promise to do whatever I ask?"

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "I'll never go to Chappy World."

Rukia rolled her eyes and slipped around him, ending up on his lap. She took his face in her hands and kissed the bridge of his nose. "Look, Ichigo, I hate that we'd had to fight like this after what happened with Renji." Ichigo's face hardened. "I just hope that you can understand that he's my childhood friend, the only one left alive. I've known him for over a century and I don't want to lose this friendship," she sighed and looked up at her husband sadly.

Ichigo took her in his arms and kissed her chest. "Baby..."

"I just want the three of us to get along with each other. I know deep down Renji likes you and you like him too. And I love you both. I thought about it, and there is one way that can restore our friendship with Renji and maybe help us escape the boring squad activities."

Ichigo wasn't very fond of the idea, but he understood Rukia's position and he trusted her. "I'll do whatever you want."

Rukia smiled. "Good. I do think it's going to be a great experience for all of us!"

"So, what is it?" he smiled against her skin.

"I want us to have a threesome!"

...

...

...

If someone were to assess Ichigo's brain activity at that point, he would be deemed brain dead. And after a long shocked pause, he made the most accurate 'WHAT THE FUCK!' face to ever grace a person's face.

"Ichigo...?" blinked Rukia, and her husband jumped up in outrage.

"**WHAT!**" he frantically shook his head. "Do you have any idea what that is!?" Rukia surely must have misunderstood it!

"Of course I do!" she scowled. "Rangiku told me!"

Ichigo's jaw fell. Rukia? RUKIA? Rukia, HIS Rukia, HIS wife, HIS moon, HIS light, HIS... everything! She... she wanted... she wanted! "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

Rukia looked at him as if he was crazy. "Sheesh, Ichigo! Relax! It's not such a big deal!"

Ichigo was astonished to say the least. Was he having a nightmare or something? "RUKIA! This is insane! HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! I'M YOUR HUSBAND! I DON'T WANT TO EVER SHARE YOU WITH ANYONE!" he yelled.

"Ichigo! You are being ridiculous!" Geez, what was his issue all of a sudden? "Just because I'm your wife, it doesn't mean that I can't spend time with Renji!"

Ichigo could not believe the words coming out of his wife's mouth. He rubbed his face in shock and exasperation. "No, Rukia, you... you can't mean this."

She scoffed and started to lose her temper. "Ichigo Kurosaki, you learn to take me seriously! There is nothing wrong with what I am asking you and I don't see why you'd make such a big deal out of it!"

"A BIG DEAL? IT IS A BIG DEAL!" he screamed. "It hurts me, Rukia! How could you ever propose such a thing! What... what if I asked you to have a threesome with... with another woman! Wouldn't you be mad at me?"

She crossed her arms. "Of course not. You have the right to do that, if I'm there too." The little snake of jealousy threatened to come up and bite her, but she wouldn't forbid Ichigo something she wanted for herself.

Ichigo's jaw rolled on the floor. He looked hysteric. "**ARE YOU CRAZY?** How can...! Rukia, we are married! That means you and me! I don't want anyone else with us and I don't want you to be ok with sharing me!" How could she not be jealous? Didn't she love him any more?

"Ichigo, you are acting like a child. I'm doing this for us," she grunted.

"Oh for God's sake! LISTEN TO YOURSELF! I want MY Rukia back!" he yelled.

"Ichigo! Don't you see? We are fighting again over Renji! That's why I want us to do it!"

"THIS! ISN'T! THE ANSWER! You know any normal couple who does this! ?"

"No, but I'm sure they'd enjoy it! It's perfectly healthy and restores relationships!"

"HOW IN HELL WOULD YOU KNOW!"

"Because I've done it!" she yelled back.

It was as if he'd been told she was his long lost sister or something equally terrifying. "W-what?" he choked. OH SHIT! OH NO! HIS RUKIA! SHE'D... SHE'D SAID SHE'D LOST HER HYMEN BECAUSE OF THE SHINIGAMI TRAINING, NOT BECAUSE!

"God, Ichigo! Stop looking so shocked! It's very common, you must have guessed I did it at some point!" she scoffed. Seriously, what was so shocking about camping with two friends?

Heart. Attack. Coming right at him! "W-whoooooo?" Ichigo was stunned and horrified at the same time.

"Me, Renji and Haku," she shrugged.

RENJI! RENJI! He'd slept with Rukia before him! "WHAT? WHEN!"

"Back in Rukongai. We were bored and we were cold. We did it for fun," she explained as if passing on the weather.

Ichigo looked like a cross-section between a retarded gorilla and a shocked squirrel. "No..."

"Ichigo! You are unbelievable!" exclaimed Rukia, with her irritation escalating. "I ask you for this one little thing and you have to blow it out of proportion, don't you?"

The man's eyes bulged in incredulity. "One little thing...? ONE LITTLE THING!"

"Yes, Ichigo, one little thing!" tears stung Rukia's eyes at the moment. How could the man she held above anyone else do this to her? "How can you be so selfish? Have I complained to you about the late hours you come home from missions?" she slowly started to approach him accusingly. "Have I complained that I had to put up with your crazy rivalry with my brother, in which I ALWAYS took your side? Have I complained to you before when you NEVER supported me whenever I tried to fix my relationship with Renji? Have I complained, Kurosaki Ichigo, when your father used to come over everyday and embarrass me in front of my squad by yelling I was his beloved daughter-in-law?" her voice broke as tears escaped their confines. "Have I complained, when day after day I had to suffer when you'd come home to me beaten up, you baka!?" she panted. "God knows I love you more than life itself, but right now, you are not being the man I am proud to call my husband!"

To say Ichigo looked devastated would be an underestimation. "Rukia... you... you can't..."

"Don't," she sniffed bitterly and raised her hand to hush him. "I thought you loved me more than that. I guess I was wrong."

And just like that, she walked away in tears, leaving behind her defeated husband.

* * *

Renji's mouth was a straight line, his face looked uninterested, even, as his captain sternly reviewed the paperwork he had just finished. Something that used to scare the hell out of him in the past, had become a mundane, boring habit; as most of his days at work. His self-imposed dullness had, however, turned out to be an advantage to his captain. His work was more focused, he spent more time catering to the Kuchiki's wishes and went on with the smallest to the biggest tasks without complaint.

Morose, almost, grey eyes rose from the satisfactorily done work to his lieutenant. "This will do, Abarai. You are dismissed."

"Hai, Taicho," murmured the red head and bowed shortly before he strutted out of the office and into the dimly lit streets of Seireitei. His nightly routine was due; drinks with the rest of the male lieutenants at the Men's Association until he was drunk enough to crack a smile and maybe pick up Matsumoto later. Ranny was fucking good at weeping together.

Good thing that the 'perfect couple' almost never stepped a foot in any Association, or he'd have to start drinking home alone. Once at the door of the establishment, he could already hear a louder ruckus than usual. And upon his entry, he _almost _mistook the voice he heard due to the long period of estrangement. But no, the orange hair gave him away.

There, practically sprawled on the bar counter, was a very, very, _very _drunk captain of Squad Fifteen.

"More sake..." murmured Ichigo with half lidded eyes.

"Kurosaki-taicho-"

"MORE SAKE!" And he flung his zanpakuto right onto the bar counter, scaring the people in close vicinity shitless.

Renji scowled upon seeing him this way, because honestly, he did respect him and his current demeanour was much unfitting for him.

Yamada Hanataro, who worked as a waiter in the evenings, backed away from the threatening-looking captain, until he dumped on Renji and squirmed in fright.

"What the hell's up with him?" demanded the red head.

"Kurosaki's drunk as piss, can't you see with those tattoos?" came the snickering voice of Madarame Ikaku, who watched the absurd scene with much amusement. "He's downed at least ten carafes by now! Hehe, I can't wait to see what happens when your captain finds out!"

Renji ignored the insolent comments by a not-wholly-sober baldy and regarded the careless captain in thought. Normally, he'd walk off to avoid talking to him, but if the widely respected Kurosaki-taicho was acting like this, something was going on. Ichigo might be known to be temperamental, impetuous and hazardous, even oblivious to manners of good society, but he was a man who always kept his honor intact and his head high. It was of utmost importance to him to preserve his family's pride and never give reason for gossip. In truth, his flaws would have qualified him unfit as a husband to Lady Kuchiki, but Kuchiki-taicho would never give his sister away if he himself didn't recognize Ichigo's merits.

So, for him to sink to such a situation, something bad must have happened. Not that a part of Renji wouldn't savour Kurosaki's humiliation. He'd been envious of him for too long, for he had the one thing he'd been wanting for decades. If Rukia's husband were anyone lesser than Ichigo, he wouldn't have hesitated a moment to snatch her from him. But he knew deep down that the boy with the big mouth and awfully colored hair would make the girl he loved happier than anyone could ever make her. Rukia had never before been so alive.

And Renji, though he'd kept his distance and solitude, always thought himself to be her friend. And he would not let his friend walk around the streets ashamed of her husband's conduct.

He walked to the counter, which had been half-smashed by the blow of Zangetsu on it and he was thankful everyone else had kept outside of a ten foot radius from them. Ichigo had turned red from the alcohol running through his system and he seemed horribly intoxicated; he reeked sake more than the carafe itself.

"Hey, Kurosaki..." he murmured rather irritably and caught his arm, which made Ichigo turn his head in alarm and look at Renji perplexed.

But once he seemed to start to recognize the man, his face flickered between anger and sadness. "Renji..." he hiccuped, "Renji... Damn... damn you!"

Ichigo violently grabbed the red head from the collar and pulled him down, an inch from his face, with the stink making Renji wince. Ichigo glared deeply into his eyes and spat out, "I love her..." he dragged and his face softened to something that looked more defeated. "I love her... I love my Rukia..."

"Yeah, I know-"

"You know?" he hissed in return. "You know?" Ichigo's voice had turned into an angry hiss. "You know how it is to feel powerless to protect the woman you love? You know how it feels when you can't provide to her what her family can? You know how it feels to love someone so fucking much that you don't exist separately from them? Do you? Do you know how it feels to NEVER give up on your best friend, not for her brother, not for her squad, not for anything! You don't love her nearly as much as I do."

The statement was delivered in a manner more suiting to a threat, but it was silent enough to be incomprehensible to the attendants. Ichigo kept a stern eye-contact with Renji, who would not respond, because he knew it was the truth. Renji loved Rukia enough to dedicate his whole life to her; Ichigo loved her with a love so massive, he'd move the Earth and slice the skies for her. And he knew she loved him with no less potency; so in tune they were, even in their feelings.

The boldness that overtook Ichigo faded as abruptly as it came, once the alcohol diminished the last bits of clarity in his brain, and the captain, semi-conscious now, fell forward, but the lieutenant caught him in time.

"I love..." he murmured in intoxicated obscurity and dropped his weight on the red head, who struggled to keep him up.

"Dammit..." he cursed under his breath and passed Ichigo's arm around his neck in an effort to support the drunk man's weight and carry him home. He had to give an end to this parody.

"You... are... an... asshole!" Ichigo whined loudly with his body sprawled over Renji's back, as the lieutenant carried him down the empty street. He would have sworn the orange head had passed out half an hour ago, but he would come back to consciousness from time to time and mumble something incoherent.

Renji scowled deeply, making a face that would normally suit the man he carried more. "You know what Kurosaki, you know what? You are an asshole too!" he finally snapped, even if the man on his back hardly made out what he said. "You have a wife waiting for you at home and you are getting piss drunk in the middle of the night? Rukia will be worried about you! No, you know what? She's ALWAYS worried about you!" he growled out, and to his surprise, Ichigo's otherwise dead hand gripped his gi forcefully and pulled it back, causing the men to fall to the ground.

"What the fuck, Kuro-"

"Damn you! Damn you Abarai!" yelled Ichigo in a pathetic attempt to stand, but he fell back on the ground.

Renji got up and approached him angrily, but Ichigo caught his collar and brought him down to his level, enraged. "Renji..." he growled. A moment passed and Ichigo's face contorted to sadness. Renji raised an eyebrow and Ichigo started to sob all of a sudden. "I LOVE HER!" he cried bitterly. "I LOVE HER! I LOVE HER SO MUCH THAAAAT..." he forgot what he was about to say and momentarily seemed to doze off, when he sprang back to clarity and yelled, "I'LL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE HER HAPPY! ANYTHING! EVEN IF IT HURTS MEEEE!"

Holy Shit. Renji was crept out by the scene and tried to slowly pry Ichigo's hands off of him, but the man became more violent and pulled him so close that their foreheads touched, and Ichigo sobbed harder.

"Even if she wants you... I'll... I'll do it!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I... She... She wants... WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH!?" he sobbed and hugged Renji, which was by far the oddest thing he'd ever seen him do. HOLY FUCK. For Kurosaki Ichigo, that was the epitome of creepy.

"... Kurosaki...?"

"You must be..." he hiccuped. "...so happy right now... DON'T BE! SHE'S MINE!"

Renji cringed when Ichigo screamed in his ear and made his head bang.

"But... she wants... she wants to have you too..." he whimpered.

Wait- WHAT? "R-R-Rukia w-w-wants t-t-to have me?"

Renji blinked in utter astonishment and Ichigo mumbled, "She wants a threesome... with you... damn... you..." and the high and mighty captain fainted in the lieutenant's arms.

Renji became as red as his hair. Rukia. Threesome. Rukia. Threesome. Rukia. Threesome.

Had he heard correctly? No, it couldn't be! Rukia was not that kind of- ... Yet, only something as horrible and unexpected would make Kurosaki get so damn drunk and desperate. Rukia? RUKIA? She wanted HIM to join THEM? WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON?

In his complete shock he looked down at the passed out captain, and decided to not think about it until he got rid of him. I mean... it just couldn't be! With a grunt and much force, he finally succeeded in lifting Ichigo and throwing him on his back, walking with difficulty towards the Kurosaki residence.

Threesome? It was so ridiculous! Kurosaki would never let anyone touch Rukia... yet he guessed he just did give him permission to join them... sort of. But it was still crazy! Rukia must be out of her mind!

Did Renji care that much?

The idea of having sex with Rukia thrilled him to no end, but he dismissed the idea completely. Everything must have been a misunderstanding, the Rukia he knew would NEVER want to do something like that, especially when married! He had to admit though, he hadn't seen his favorite Shorty in a decade. Could she really have changed that much? No, no, no, it was ridiculous! And-and-and even IF in this ludicrous possibility she did ask for such a thing, Renji could never do that... right? It would be like getting between a married couple, a loving married couple, and it would lead nowhere and Kurosaki might try to assassinate him later.

Renji shook his head and tried to dissolve his flustered thoughts as he neared the small household. Once at the door, he sighed in exhaustion and gulped, suddenly nervous. Holy fuck, he was actually going to see Rukia!

Could he leave Ichigo at the doorstep and shunpo away? It was a tempting thought, but she would never be able to carry him inside. He gulped and knocked on the door hesitantly.

"I hope you are ready to apolg-" started a very irritated Rukia once she banged the door open, but she gasped when faced with the midnight visitors. "Ichigo!"

Renji twitched slightly. Okay, he was wasted, but she might as well acknowledge his existence too!

"Umm..."

"Renji! What happened? Is he okay?" she rushed worriedly and approached him to look at her fainted husband.

Wow. Renji had to gulp. She had changed, indeed. He hadn't seen her in a decade (or at least up close) and she had changed much more than she did the whole forty years they were separated. Her eyes were shinier, her skin more radiant, her hair was long up to her elbows and even her face looked more... matured. She looked less like a 15-year-old and more like a young woman. And in the back of his mind, he knew it wasn't time that had changed her. It was her marriage. You could just tell that despite fleeting worries, she was happy.

"Oh, Ichigo..." she sighed and looked appreciatively at her old friend. "Where was he?"

"At the Men's Association. He drank like half his weight in sake."

She shook her head disapprovingly and nudged him to come inside and follow her up the stairs. He looked around the quaint little home, with its wood panelling, the scarce furniture, the tiny kitchen and the few rooms and chuckled inwardly. Kuchiki-taicho would NEVER approve. You'd never guess that the Kuchiki princess and the strongest captain of Gotei would live in there. Yet it was so... them.

Rukia opened the door to what he guessed was the couple's bedroom, which was as simple as the rest of the house, yet seemed even warmer and beloved. He finally let Ichigo's unmoving body slide off him and onto the bed, with Rukia ducking to the small bathroom and coming out with a wet towel. Renji took a step back and saw her climb on the bed by his side with creased eyebrows, yet there was something gentle and caring about the way she wiped his face.

"Stupid Strawberry..." she murmured under her breath and he realized how little things had changed to who they were. 'Strawberry'. Ichigo would go on a tirade every time anyone called him that. And she was the only one who never backed away, because, unlike everyone else, she loved the 'Strawberry'.

She slowly started to undo his gi and suddenly Renji's mind drifted to what he'd said earlier. As Rukia sat on all fours on the mattress, he could make out her perfectly sculpted backside and slender figure from the outline of her simple robe. Then it slowly started to hit him. He was in the room those two had sex. Rukia had, probably thousands of times, been naked on that bed. Naked... and sweating... and... moaning... on that bed...

Damn. Renji could feel himself become hotter by the second. Okay, he just had to ask. That way, Rukia would tell him he was crazy and then he would go drink himself just like Ichigo did.

"Umm... Rukia...?"

The woman, much immersed into looking after her Berry, had almost zoned out and turned to Renji with an apologetic smile. "Renji, thank you very much for bringing Ichigo home."

"Oh, i-it's ok. Hey can I... can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead," she murmured as she undid her husband's obi.

The action made Renji all the more uneasy as he whispered, "Umm... Ichigo said something about a... a... t-three... some...?" He couldn't believe he was actually asking her something like that, she would probably yell at him and kick him out and-

"Yes. I told him today. He didn't take it very well," she sighed simply.

Renji's jaw dropped, though Rukia was too busy to notice. HOLY FUCK! She really wanted to have a threesome with him!

"Do you actually mean-"

"Renji," she cut him off with a sad smile. "I am very thankfully and I plan on making it up to you when we do it. But please, I had enough drama today and I would like not to talk about it right now. I have to take care of Ichigo, if you don't mind."

Renji just nodded like a dumb idiot and with shock all over his face, he slowly left the house.

Rukia. Wanted. A threesome.

He cupped his mouth in shock and shuddered at the thought. Sex with Rukia? ACTUAL sex with Rukia? How many times had he fantasized about it already? He wondered aimlessly as thoughts shot in his brain from all sides.

Did it mean anything?

Was it a one time thing?

Would they do it regularly?

Would Ichigo try to kill him?

And...

How would it actually happen?

Would they take turns?

Would they do it simultaneously?

And if so... who would take... what? Like... would Renji go from the back door and Ichigo from the front? Would they switch... places?

And what if Ichigo wanted to fuck him? NO! That was fucking ridiculous!

Would he watch while he was with Rukia?

Wait... WAS ICHIGO BIGGER THAN HIM!?

Seriously, would he show up only to be laughed at, unable to pleasure Rukia? He was taller than Ichigo, he must have been-... Yet again, Ichigo was pretty well endowed from the times he'd seen him in the hot springs. And Rukia was pretty tiny.

And what if he couldn't hold as much as Ichigo did? The man had some serious stamina, no wonder Rukia looked like a very, very pleased wife. Would he be done before her? And disappoint her? And what if she got pregnant with his baby?

He gulped. Was any of these inhibitions strong enough to hold him from possibly fucking the girl he wanted? No. Even if it meant danger of castration by Zangetsu? Eh, maybe.

* * *

If Ichigo could listen to his grunts, he would have thought a bear had invaded his house. It was as if someone had turned his head into their personal bong and his brain into a tennis ball. He tried to crack his dry eyes open, but he hissed at the sunlight that seemed to assault his senses.

"Mngff..." he groaned and covering his eyes, he tried to look around. How the hell had he ended up like this? Had a Hollow hit him in the head? His torso was bare, with no injuries except for the old scars he carried and he still wore his hakama, though the obi was loose. He had to grab his head, as if the act would stop the feeling of his brain being smashed against his skull. He squinted and almost blindly searched for the petite body which was always cradled against his, only to find the bed empty. Though he wouldn't admit it, waking up without Rukia usually caused him a great deal of anxiety, because he had spent a great amount of time in the past worrying over whether he would see her again after he woke up. The years he'd spent not knowing whether she'd leave for patrol and not return, or whether she'd be reappointed to another location by the Soul Society had left him scarred with insecurity, because for a long time he was unable to go after her or make her stay by his side. He had learned to tame his worry over the years they had lived together, but he still needed his daily reassurance that she was still by his side. He felt panic rise to his throat when he found no sign of her in the room, but with it came another surge of head-slicing pain.

And like any real husband in distress, he whimpered for his wife to ease his pain. "Rukia... Ruuuukia..."

The door suddenly opened and closed by such a loud bang, that Ichigo hissed and held his head that throbbed with an impending hematoma. "Agh, Rukia...?" He lifted his tired eyes to see her small form standing straight in her sleeping kimono, stiff and rigid. He sighed in relief, but it was quickly washed away when he met face first with a soaked ice cold towel that knocked him back on the mattress.

"You idiot..." came the near hiss from the angry short woman who had just attacked him.

"W-what?" was the only thing Ichigo could grunt as he peeled the terribly cold cloth from his now frozen face.

"For God's sake, Ichigo!" Rukia exclaimed scornfully, but right now he was seeing two of his wife. "I haven't seen you so drunk since the day you decided to tell nii-sama about our relationship!" The thing she'd never told him, was that she had herself gone to her nii-sama before him, because she wouldn't want to find her Strawberry running from a swarm of sakura petals; however, when the day came for Ichigo to break the news, the Baka had gotten piss drunk to brace himself, and thus ended up running from Senbonzakura after all. It took two months and a certificate from Unohana-taicho that Ichigo was not an alcoholic to convince Byakuya to reconsider; that and the fact that Ichigo had kidnapped Rukia and brought her back as his fiancée.

And though she loved her impulsive, sweet and emotionally shy husband, it never stopped her from pointing out his mistakes; he had become a taicho, after all, and to everyone in Seireitei except Byakuya, he was considered a noble. Though Rukia never paid heed to any of the rumours and gossip about her (especially before entering the Kuchiki clan), Rukia was very protective of Ichigo; if she ever heard anyone speak ill of him, she made sure to stuff their mouths with ice shards.

"Ichigo, what in the world were you thinking?" she inquired, frustrated. "You know how worried I was? How hard I had to try to keep myself from going over to Squad Fifteen and look for you? Kyoraku-taicho said that if you keep this up you are going to leave no sake for him! What's the matter with you?"

"S-sake..?"

"Yes! God, Ichigo! They are still trying to pull Zangetsu out of the Men's Association bar counter! Who knows what would have happened if Renji hadn't brought you back?"

And suddenly, upon hearing the despised name, Ichigo's brain clicked. Yes, he could remember drinking last night... but other than that...

A low and dangerous growl came from the now more conscious captain. "Renji? What did he do?" he barked, wishing he had Zangetsu ready right now.

Rukia read through his killing intent and scoffed. "He brought you back home, idiot. You were passed out."

Ichigo didn't know where he found the strength, but he leapt up and immediately grabbed his wife by the shoulders, with the small woman flinching. "What did he do, Rukia?" He tried not to lose it just yet and looked at her deeply in the eyes, ready to pounce.

"He brought you up to bed-Agh!" a gasp escaped her when the man held her a little too roughly and his eyes darkened and almost flickered to golden; reminding her of the silent existence within him that she only saw whenever he got her in bed and made her his 'Queen'. She knew his Hollow wouldn't hurt her, but she wondered if Ichigo's recent irrational possessiveness was due to Shirosaki taking over.

The Hollow's sudden surge of anger was palpable; Ichigo had learned over the years to control his anger and temper better. Shirosaki could be tamed if Ichigo remained strong and focused. Participating in the squad's missions helped quench his desire to kill, even if it was usually meagre hollows. But when Ichigo and Rukia became inseparable, she became part of his inner world as well. And Shirosaki would let _no one _take away his Queen. Ichigo's eyes, now alternating between dark brown and bright golden, started to search her body for any mark; the shrill scream of his Hollow accentuated his anger and Ichigo, against Rukia's struggles and yells, ripped her kimono open and searched her skin for any sign that another man had touched her. The month of abstinence had made her skin clear of all of his love marks and no new ones adorned her body. He was ready to open her legs when a small open palm violently smacked him and he found his face knocked to the side with a red and stinging cheek.

Rukia's lip trembled with withheld tears in her eyes. "God, Ichigo..." she swallowed silently and shut her kimono protectively.

Ichigo's eyes returned to soft amber and he looked at Rukia apologetically. Trust was a major factor in their relationship and he had just overstepped his boundaries. The truth was that they had struggled on the matter many a time in the past. Ichigo had wanted to have Rukia as his fukutaicho from the get go; however, the woman knew that if he had any authority over her, he wouldn't let her go out in the battlefield. And even though Ichigo had promised to put faith in her, his protective streak was too powerful to reassure her. Besides, Ukitake-taicho needed her presence and he had already made it clear that he wanted Rukia to replace him in the near future. Rukia was loyal, moral, and like him, she couldn't open up to people easily. And Ichigo wouldn't dream of having another woman; Rukia made him feel complete in every way possible. But jealousy still gnawed at them from time to time.

Ichigo always had the same insecurity in the back of his mind: he wasn't good enough. It wasn't an inferiority complex, but knowing of the years Rukia had spent in deprivation, he wanted to be able to give her much more that he could. Byakuya, one way or another, made it clear. Ichigo had even considered swallowing his male pride and moving in the Kuchiki mansion to make sure Rukia would have a home she deserved. But Rukia never asked for anything more; she loved their small house dearly and her most expensive request was a Chappy plushie on her birthday. Ichigo had wished he had more than a simple moonstone ring to propose with and it still bugged him that their lavish wedding was a gift from Byakuya. And then, on the day they moved to their home, which then contained only a mattress and a small stove, naked in a room without any heating, Rukia had whispered to his ear, "I'm happy" and eased his soul.

Renji was another matter; he liked him and the red head seemed to respect his relationship with Rukia. But Ichigo wouldn't forgive him for not talking to her. At first he sympathized with him, because he was certain that if Rukia had chosen another man, he wouldn't be able to handle it for a while. But under no circumstances would Ichigo _ever _leave Rukia. Especially if that resulted in saddening her. He'd tear his heart to pieces if it meant that he'd make her happy. Renji never did that. He turned his back to her, even if, in her ignorance, she pleaded for his friendship. The only reason Ichigo hadn't beaten the crap out of him already was that Rukia would blame herself.

On her part, Rukia was jealous for a much more apparent reason. Ichigo had grown into a very handsome man and he didn't go unnoticed by the women in Soul Society (not to mention Karakura, when they'd visit in gigai). Though Ichigo had grown during the time he'd spent in the Living World, Rukia had barely aged at all; one year in the Living World was the equivalent of a decade in Soul Society. Ichigo looked like the twenty-year old he'd grown into when he became a full-fledged Shinigami, but Rukia still looked like a fifteen-year-old. It was no wonder that when they went to Karakura, people would look at them as if Ichigo was a child molester whenever they kissed. The worst part was that even when they all went out as a family and the couple acted ignorant, people thought Rukia was the youngest child of the Kurosaki family, since Yuzu and Karin had turned into two fully developed young women, whereas Rukia seemed like the underdeveloped child. To add insult to injury, women hit on Ichigo right in front of her once they assumed she was too young to be his girlfriend. And they were all tall and curvaceous, not short and petite (though, if it was of any value, Rukia had gained two inches and a little more bust in the last ten years-though she would need at least forty more to start feeling like a real woman). But Ichigo never paid attention to any advances, nor was he a man who would cheat on her; every time Rukia felt insecure, he made sure to show her just how much he loved every part of her body in private.

Their recent argument however, had cast a dark cloud of jealousy over Ichigo's inner world and a whole new feeling of uncertainty in Rukia's heart.

"Rukia, I..."

"How dare you do that!" she snapped as she fixed her kimono. She couldn't believe Ichigo thought she could have slept with Renji! Unbelievable!

"I-I'm sorry, it's just that... after what you said yesterday..." Ichigo tried in a meagre attempt to reason with her.

"About the threesome?" she inquired.

Ichigo winced upon the mention of the word and an unwanted growl escaped his lips. "Yes..." he stated angrily.

"Well, we wouldn't do it when you are here passed out, would we?" Did he really think she'd have the mind to go camping when he was in such a state? "It wouldn't be a threesome then either!"

Ichigo growled loudly, and against his better judgement he grabbed her wrist tightly. "Don't tell me you are still considering it!"

"Of course I am!" Rukia snatched her arms out of his hold.

"No. Absolutely not." Ichigo had to put his foot down. He could never go through with it; Rukia must be going through a phase. His own Hollow was yelling for him to let him fuck her for two to satisfy her.

Rukia crossed her arms angrily. "I don't understand where all this selfishness comes from; is it your Hollow?"

"My Hollow?" Ichigo felt offended. Did she really think that his decisions were so unjustified that only his Hollow would have caused them? "No, Rukia, it's not my Hollow. It's _me_, your _husband_, remember? Remember the vows we gave to only belong to one another and stay together whatever happens?"

"Of course I do! But maybe you are forgetting that _wife _does not mean _possession _and belonging to one another does not mean not including anyone else!" Did he suddenly think that they should estrange themselves from the world and live together in a shell where no friends can come in?

"This is ridiculous..." cursed Ichigo under his breath.

Rukia flexed her jaw and decided not to fight any more. "Whatever, I am not going to wait for your approval for something perfectly normal; you should be thankful to Renji for carrying you home, not being an ass about it."

Ichigo buried his face in his hands, unable to believe what Rukia was saying. "No, Rukia, you are not going to do anything," he ordered sternly.

The woman didn't even consider it a statement worthy of an answer. "You are unbelievable..." Where was the man she fell in love with?

"I won't fight any more," Ichigo spoke as he pulled on his gi and captain's haori, determined to go find his zanpakuto and blow some steam to brace himself for the serious talk he'd have to have with his wife. "I'm going to my Squad and we'll continue this tonight."

Rukia scoffed and clenched her fists. She was by no means going to wait for Ichigo's approval any more.

* * *

_If _Ichigo wasn't so consumed in his thoughts, he would probably have rushed to save his squad members from being turned into Shinigami purée from the tentacled Hollow which was spreading havoc on mount Fuji; if he were truly disposed to do such an action, he would have done so about half an hour ago, when they landed in the World of the Living.

"KUROSAKI-TAICHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the desperate cry for help came from one of his subordinates.

However, the grim captain was not up to listen. He sat almost buried in the snow on top of the mountain, gazing down at Tokyo City and the world he used to live in; a world which seemed to move fast in contrast to the slow paces of Soul Society and yet seemed to be consumed in blissful ignorance.

Ichigo moved to Soul Society two years into college, which was around the time he came to terms with the fact that he would never really fit in the Living World; a fact that he subconsciously knew from a young age. He and Rukia had finished high school in Karakura together, but she had to stay back when he had to leave. If Ichigo had known Rukia would not be allowed to enrol to a university, he wouldn't have gone to one himself, even though they were not a couple at the time. And she knew it as well, so she hadn't told him, but instead urged him to apply for Tokyo University's Law School and even beat him to make sure he would pass.

When the admissions came out, Ichigo wasn't as happy as his friends would expect, especially Ishida who had passed in Tokyo U's Medical School, along with Inoue who had decided to become a nurse. Chad had taken some time off to travel to Mexico and Tatsuki had decided to become a karate teacher. Ichigo was planning on getting a studio for he and Rukia (so the first piece of furniture he looked for was a closet), but he felt almost betrayed when she told him she was still appointed in Karakura and there was another team of Shinigami appointed to Tokyo. After a summer of fighting and sulking, Ichigo complied to go to Tokyo and stay with Ishida; Rukia was left behind, living with her new adoptive family.

Moving to Tokyo and being surrounded by people who didn't know him and to whom he couldn't connect to had made Ichigo crave to return to Karakura and even Soul Society; he wanted to go back to his home: Rukia. She had made sure to fill the gap of his absence in the Kurosaki home and had become a true sister to Karin and Yuzu. She worked with her 'father' in the clinic during the day and guarded Karakura Town during the night. Ichigo had never appreciated having a Hollow, but before he moved out he had made sure to leave Shirosaki run around for a while to force Seireitei to send more Shinigami guardians to Karakura. That, and some influence from a certain Kuchiki-taicho had certified that Rukia's zanpakuto would have to be unused most of the time.

When Ichigo decided to drop out and become an official member of the Gotei Squads, Rukia had said he was crazy, Ishida had said he was irresponsible, Inoue could only squeal, Yuzu was worried, Karin had started taking bets on how long he'd last and Isshin had only yelled "It was about time, boy!". Ukitake-taicho had taken him under his wing, but it was the elder Kuchiki who had placed a blade to his throat and threatened him about going too close to his sister. He went as far as asking from the Captain Commander to appoint Ichigo to Squad Eleven under Zaraki-taicho; no wonder Ichigo had gotten used to fighting alongside his Squad rather than sitting back and doing the paperwork. Ichigo was soon appointed back to Karakura alongside Rukia (he had a feeling a certain pink-haired intuitive menace had helped with that-Zaraki-taicho loved duelling with Ichigo) and that was the time their relationship officially began.

"KUROSAKI-TAICHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOO!" another desperate cry in the background from a squad member being tossed around by giant tentacles.

Ichigo smiled as he recalled the beginning of his relationship with Rukia; which was more like an affair in the eyes of Soul Society.

_"You have got to be joking, Midget," he declared, once he stepped foot in his bedroom (correction, past bedroom) after an absence of four months under Zaraki-taicho. Or 'Evil Jingle Bells' as he called him, though the captain had discarded of the bells in his hair a long time ago. _

_He was disposed to be a jolly good fellow that day, what with coming back to formally announce he was being appointed to Karakura and would be back home with his three favourite women in the world. However, as if the very kick in the gut by the Old Goat was not bad enough a welcome (Ichigo had barely healed from the dozens of injuries inflicted upon him by his superior), Ichigo had to find out that his bedroom had officially turned to, quote "My beloved third daughter's room!". To give props to Midget, nothing had changed much except for the Chappy plushies on the bed (accompanied by the whole damn Chappy collection on the desk)._

_But now, as he looked at Rukia's slender outstretched arm pointing at the door of his closet, a very dangerous growl was making its way up to his lips._

_"No," he kept on, feeling the throbbing on his temple increase._

_A sardonic grin spread across Rukia's face, which hadn't aged since their high school days; it still kept the liveliness and underlying mischievousness. "Actually, it's only fair, Strawberry."_

_Agh, he knew it, he knew it! He knew she was being all sweet on purpose during dinner, only to come at him in private! "Fair? FAIR? You stole my bedroom, Midget!"  
_

_"I didn't steal it, you left your room, remember? I've been sleeping in here for two years already!" she retorted, amused._

_Ichigo scowled deeply. Of course he knew she slept there. But during his absence, it made him feel secure to know Rukia was in his room and his bed (in the non-perverse way). "When I came home YOU were the one who slept in the closet!" _

_"Yes, but now otou-san has given me your room, which means that it's YOUR turn to sleep in MY closet!" she grinned, and actually slid the closet open to reveal her old makeshift bed, newly assembled for him. Yeah, right._

_"No. Freaking. Way. I don't even fit in there!"_

_"Well squeeze a little! The life of a Shinigami is a tough one!" she mocked him openly._

_Ichigo released a low growl and towered over her much smaller frame (he had gained considerable height with the completion of his growth), then raised an eyebrow mockingly, "Only you can fit in that Midget hole..."_

_Rukia's face flushed angrily and, as if a day hadn't passed since they first met, she landed one of her famous gut-busting kicks to his midsection, knocking him back into the small 'Midget hole'. "Take it back, Berry!"_

_"No way!" protested Ichigo as he made to get out of the tight space, but Rukia jumped on top of him and tried to keep him inside._

_They struggled with each other, and Ichigo ended up with his long legs painfully folded in the small space and a Midget straddling him and trying to keep his hands from throwing her off of him._

_"You'll stay in here, Midget!"_

_"No, YOU will!"_

_Rukia abruptly jumped out of the closet and smacked the door shut, then quickly rushed to the bed and slid under the covers to defend her territory. Ichigo stood back for a second, looking up at his feet which had ended up against the roof of the closet, scowling deeply. He could feel his heart thumping wildly in his chest with a rush of adrenaline, very similar and yet completely different from that during a battle. It had never occurred to him just how the world was to her; when she first came into his life, into his room, she slept in there. In that small uninviting space, like someone who had to squeeze herself in there. In her small space in his closet, sleeping by his side every night, guarding his dreams and shielding him from nightmares. She didn't deserve to sleep in a closet. She didn't deserve to follow orders. She didn't deserve to be looked down on by the Kuchiki clan. She didn't deserve to be put to death because of him and she didn't deserve to have to look out for his family while he was gone. She deserved her own home, her own family, her own bed and her own life. She didn't belong in the World of the Living. And she didn't belong in Soul Society. She belonged with him._

_He didn't know where he found the courage; either from Zaraki-taicho's permanent attacks or from his final transition to manhood. He got out of the closet and moved towards the bed (their bed) and saw the small lump Rukia formed under the covers to claim the bed as her own. He smiled and promised himself he'd always have her in his bed from then on. _

_The girl's eyes widened when he casually lifted the covers and lay by her side, smirking when he noticed the violent blush on her cheeks. "B-b-baka, w-what a-are you doing!?"_

* * *

Rukia gazed at their modest backyard, which was more like an extension of the sparse woods beyond. A tent was neatly assembled, though she doubted that two tall men like Ichigo and Renji would fit in there, so she had gotten three sleeping bags as well. A pile of dry branches and pieces of wood had been prepared to welcome a camp fire and Rukia, after a quick skip to the World of the Living to finish up a hollow, had gone to one of those 'super markets' to buy one of her favourite treats: marshmallows. They didn't exist in Soul Society, along with juice boxes, her other favourite edible. She smiled when she recalled the first time she learned of the juice box. In her one hundred and fifty years of life, she had never been so intrigued by anything that much, what with living on the streets for most of her life and then abstaining from any indulgence after she entered the Kuchiki clan. She loved to poke the hole with the straw...

Her lips trembled as she remembered it like it was yesterday; on the rooftop of Karakura High, wondering if she would ever be able to fit in somewhere, like the Humans did. Well, after meeting Keigo Asano she had started to consider that Humans might be crazy all together, but they were welcoming and accepted each other. Learning how to drink from a juice box... meant she could start to learn how to adjust to those odd, but wonderful Humans.

And her Strawberry never let her forget. After a couple of days' absence to the World of the Living, a bag of candy and a few juice boxes were carefully hidden under the Squad Fifteen Captain's gi, to be presented to her after he'd come behind her and cover her eyes, then silently challenge her to open the juice box blindly. She always knew to expect a gift from him, small but meaningful, whenever they were forced to be apart. Especially when Ichigo would pass by their human home to see _their _family, a huge bento from Yuzu was promised.

She could remember their first kiss vividly and she rubbed her lips absently as she recalled it.

_It had taken all of her power not to jump on him and smother him in kisses when he appeared at the door. Though she had significantly increased her trips to Soul Society once her Baka moved there, Byakuya nii-sama's reprimanding looks and her own sense of responsibility to protect the twins had kept her from staying long._

_She had missed him so much, it almost hurt her physically. She had no reason to complain though; she had a family. Isshin-sama wouldn't let her call him anything other than 'otou-san' and the girls called her 'Rukia nee-san' and had gone as far as telling their classmates they had an older brother and sister. She had been happy with them; it was the first time she had ever experienced family affection and the care of a parent. She loved everything that came with it, like taking turns in cleaning the dishes and wearing oversized shirts and screaming her lungs out at Karin's soccer games._

_But she missed Ichigo, though she never let that show because she knew the girls missed him too. Even Kon, after throwing a party when Ichigo first left for college and yelling that he could finally have his nee-san all to himself (as if), he finally admitted to missing the orange haired idiot somewhat (besides, Rukia would lock him in the closet at night to keep him from sneaking up to her bed-Ichigo's previous bed, that was). She hadn't changed it at all, only added her Chappy stuff, because she wanted to remember Ichigo and remember the place they had first met exactly as it was._

_So the night he came home to announce he was being appointed to Karakura Town, Rukia was elated, though her pride and acting skills wouldn't let that show. Just like old times, she had successfully managed to pick at him and get on his nerves, but as if he had suddenly manned up, she found him lying on the bed with her, to her utter shock and embarrassment._

_Rukia wasn't a baby, but carnal relationships were still a mystery to her; by Soul Society's standards, she was the equivalent of a fifteen year old. Having lived in the slums of Inuzuri where the sole purpose of each day was to survive, then moving to the Shinigami Academy where she was shunned due to her background and then moving to the Kuchiki clan where she was always striving to please the Elders, had left her without even daring to consider any romantic relationship. Even her feelings for Kaien-dono were superficial and she would never dream of actually getting involved with him; he was married to a lovely woman and Rukia was happy for them. However, when she was forced to kill him, she had shut her heart down and thought herself incapable of love for a long time._

_So, when Ichigo kissed her, she did what she only could do, in her total ignorance. _

_She punched him._

_"Aw!" Ichigo exclaimed, holding his sore cheek. "What the hell, Midget!"_

_Rukia could feel the arteries on her face ready to burst from the blood flow to them. "W-what d-did y-you t-think y-you w-were d-doing B-baka?"_

_"I'm kissing you, Idiot," he merely stated, before grabbing her and forcing his lips onto hers, against her terrified protests. It was her inexperience which held her back, but as he dominantly claimed her, she melted into him and it all went downhill from there. _

_It was the first time they made love._

_It was clumsy._

_It was sloppy._

_It was careless._

_It was perfect._

_It was the first of the many times that were to come that their naked bodies would melt into each other and she would bury her face in his neck, breathing him in as he rested his face in her hair. _

_She didn't know why she cried that night, silently against his skin. "Ichigo..." she sobbed, "I love you, Baka."_

Rukia wiped the droplet from the corner of her eye and wondered what had happened in the past two days. Sure Ichigo was possessive; but he trusted her and never before had he made a deal out of hanging out with a male friend. He, she and Chad would frequently hang out together. Though their Human friends had grown to their thirties, they still kept contact. Ichigo and Rukia were Sora Ishida's godparents, after all. The baby boy may have his father's looks, but he'd gotten his mother's taste buds; sweet red bean paste with soy sauce was something only Inoue could come up with to feed her baby.

So, why would Ichigo have a problem with Renji? The two liked each other, she knew that. Sure they had grown apart over the years, but they had been nakama and by last night's gesture, Renji had proven he still cared about Ichigo. Rukia wouldn't call off the threesome, not just because her request was ordinary; she owed it to Renji to thank him and she wouldn't want to make him feel like they didn't want him in their lives. They had gone through so much together and they couldn't just leave it all behind.

With a sigh, Rukia plastered a fake smile on her face and moved into her house to call the red head; she was going to camp with him, with Ichigo or not. If her husband came home and wanted Renji out, he'd have to solve his issues with him head on.

* * *

Renji found himself cringing under the stare of his captain; he was sweating and trembling far worse than the day he first arrived to squad six. Kuchiki-taicho's blank and slightly demeaning gaze was not different than any other day. However, Renji felt as if there was a sign plastered to his back, 'I am gonna fuck your sister'. HOLY SHIT. He had completely forgotten about Kuchiki-taicho! What would happen if he found out? The cold man loved Rukia dearly (with the impassive and unexpressed Kuchiki kind of way), but there were certain things for which he wouldn't take her opinion into account:

-Thou shall not cheat on thy husband

-If thy husband hurts thy feelings, thy brother is allowed to kill him

-Thou shall not change thy family name after marriage

-Thou shall produce an offspring without orange hair

-Thou shall name thy first female offspring 'Hisana'

-Thou shall not name any of thy offspring after a fruit

Technically, a consensual threesome was NOT cheating, right? Well, Ichigo hadn't exactly given his consent, much less with a clear mind. If Kuchiki-taicho were ever to know of the threesome, would Rukia be lead to execution again? No, Renji would. He would be sliced by Senbonzakura into pieces so tiny that the wind would carry him away.

He couldn't do it, he just couldn't! The stress was unbearable! Two of the strongest men in Seireitei could possibly run after his ass, his life would be on the line (not to mention that if he survived, he would at best be sent beyond Rukongai, to where monsters lurked!), he would probably get embarrassed in front of Rukia and-

He felt a buzz in his hakama suddenly, and looked to his impassive superior for permission. Kuchiki-taicho, who had noticed Renji's distress the entire day, gave a mere nod to show him he could pick up.

Renji pulled the device out of his pocket and looked at the unidentified number, then opened it.

"Abarai-fukutaicho..." he murmured, hoping to get a distraction from his thoughts.

"Renji!" Rukia's hyper voice came through, and Renji immediately jumped off his desk with a loud "GWAH!" and his face turning bright red.

"R-R-R..." Renji's horrified eyes skipped to his captain, who only raised an eyebrow. "Y-Yes?" he squealed.

"Hey Renji, I was just wondering if you had any time tonight!"

"T-tonight?" he choked.

"Yes! I am fully prepared for the threesome!" she declared, and Renji thought he saw stars.

"I-I..." OH SHIT. IT WAS REAL. IT WAS FREAKING REAL.

"Look, erm, something came up though..."

"W-What?" was the only thing he could mumble. Renji was sweating his ass off and tried to look away from the man whom he was expecting to be killed by, soon.

"Ichigo can't come, so it'll be just the two of us."

The shock would have been less if Kuchiki-taicho suddenly decided to start dancing salsa on the desk.

"Renji...?" came Rukia's baffled voice over the line.

His eyes had widened, his heart was racing and his member was twitching. He was having a fucking mental party in his head! He was going to have actual sex with Rukia!

Which would translate to certain death by Ichigo and his captain.

At least he would die happy.

"W-When?" he finally asked.

"Well... you can come right now if you want. We can watch the sunset, too."

FREAKING FUCKING QUADRUPLE YEAH!

"Y-yes! Yes! I'm coming! I'm coming!" he yelled a little too loudly.

"Okay! I'll be waiting!" and Rukia hung up.

Renji looked down at the phone with his adrenaline pumping. He quickly turned to his taicho, "Taicho, I-"

The man merely raised his hand in irritation. "I don't know, nor do I care about what just happened, but go, Abarai. Just... go."

"Hai, Taicho!" he yelled and sprinted out of the office faster than a bullet.

Byakuya rubbed his temple and raised an eyebrow at his peculiar behaviour; he reckoned it had something to do with a woman, and though he was strict on not letting his subordinates (or anyone, for that matter) let their personal affairs interfere with their duties, he was not as heartless as he came through; Abarai should, sooner or later, forget about his sister (the elder Kuchiki may be silent, but he was perceptive) and move on. Even if she wasn't married, he wouldn't allow him to pursue her; if it were up to him, his little child-ahem, sister-would still be safely cradled and pampered in the Kuchiki mansion, not in a tiny cabin in the middle of nowhere with no heating and only one bedroom (he had to stop his thoughts before he consider _how _she found heat in that one bedroom). But he always had a feeling Rukia would end up with that brat from the Living World and had given up on claiming strong, noble suitors for her.

He also had a feeling that that brat Kurosaki would not accept it if he were to object to their relationship and Byakuya was old enough to know that the cave boy would probably result to kidnapping her if he had to. His predictions were unfortunately correct. Byakuya _almost _smiled, because, even for his very uptight demeanour, he was certain he would have done so himself if someone were to separate him from his beloved Hisana back then. That brat. If he didn't love his sister so much and if his sister didn't love him back, he would have scheduled for an 'accident' to befall the Fruit Boy. But he had stood under Kenpachi Zaraki for four years like a man, he had become a decent captain (though he always reminded him he was terrible with the paperwork) and the boy was determined to keep his sister from harm at any cost.

_He sat in seiza before the small shrine, gazing at the smiling face of his deceased wife. He had been staring at her for quite a while, as he would do during his daily visits to see her. However, he was there that day for a different reason._

_"Hisana..." he sighed, "Remember that brat I was telling you about? He became a captain today..."_

_He paused and then continued, "And he proposed to her, that impulsive child. He kidnapped her and proposed to her."_

_"He didn't even get her a decent ring; he gave her this inexpensive ring he had gotten for his mother's birthday before she died. Paid on a child's pocket money, can you imagine?"_

_"He didn't even ask for my permission, shouldn't I have consented to it? He just barged right in, holding my child over his shoulder like she belonged to him and announced that she was his."_

_"They don't even have a home yet and he refuses to move into the mansion! He barely has any money at all-he is still repaying for the damages he caused while fighting his former captain and squad members. I could at least convince our Rukia to let me pay for the wedding; but they both rejected my offer to buy them their own mansion and give them help."_

_"He's rude, Hisana. And impulsive. And he hardly knows anything about respect to his superiors. He will probably not give her the comfortable life she deserves any time soon. I am afraid he'll embarrass her, too."_

_Byakuya sighed deeply and bowed down to his wife. _

_"Forgive me, Hisana. I gave them my blessing."_

_For the first time since her death, Byakuya actually smiled. "He's a good boy, Hisana."_

* * *

Rukia gazed at the horizon as she waited for Renji to arrive. She really didn't want have any more issues tonight. Her phone rang and the caller ID read 'Strawberry'. She picked up with a sigh.

"Rukia..." her husband's soft voice spoke, and she thought she could hear cries for help in the background.

"Yes, Ichigo?" she sighed.

"You know when I first said that I loved you?"

Rukia's face contorted as tears threatened to come back up. "Of course I do, Baka. Right after I told you-"

"No."

Rukia sniffled. "What?"

"It was June the 17th, eighteen years ago."

"But that was when we first went to your mother's grave..."

"Yes. I told her first. I guess it took me five years to tell you."

Rukia tried to keep the tremor in her voice from becoming audible. "Dammit Ichigo, I don't want us to fight..."

"I don't want to, either. I want to put it behind us and move on!"

Rukia nodded. "Yes..." she sniffed happily. "Renji is coming over right now! We'll start and then you can come and join us when-"

"**WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!**"

Rukia quickly pulled the phone away from her ear, before her eardrum broke. "Ichigo!"

"**ARE YOU KIDDING ME? NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT! STAY AWAY FROM HIM, I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS! NEVER, EVER, EVER!**"

"Ichigo, are you out of your mind?" She could hear the Senkaimon open as Ichigo rushed to return to Soul Society, leaving behind the flailing Shinigami. "ICHIGO!"

But the deranged captain had hung up. Rukia scowled deeply and rolled her eyes, determined, out of stubbornness, to go through with her plans no matter what.

A knock on the door snapped her out of her morose thoughts and she opened it to see a Renji who looked like he had just done drugs. He was sweating and shaking like a leaf.

"Hi Renji!" she smiled awkwardly and let him in.

The red head had to remind himself how to walk properly, because he was so nervous, he could as well pass out. "H-H-Hiiii Rukia!"

The woman sighed and put her acting skills to work by feigning a joyful façade, then clapped her hands in fake excitement. "Renji! Why don't we get ready first, ok?"

Renji nodded wildly and wondered if he could actually touch her. It was so unreal that he wouldn't dare move an inch.

"Ok then, we need to change first, ne? You can go get ready in the bathroom and I'll go change into my pyjamas, ok?" she grinned.

Renji blinked. He wondered if she would put of one of those skimpy sexy bodices and shuddered. He nodded and rushed to the bathroom, where he locked himself and finally started to breathe. He looked at himself in the mirror.

"Okay man, you can do this," he urged himself. "No direct competition, she's all yours..."

However, now that he was alone, he started to stress even more. He had taken the fastest shower of his life five minutes ago, but he hadn't fixed himself up. He let his hair out of the ponytail and the locks fell like a lion's mane. _Manly. AHA! _He quickly removed his gi and inspected his torso. Hmmm... Ichigo did look a little more muscular... He started to pose and flexed his biceps in the mirror. _No, no, you'll be fine man, you'll be fine! Look at these muscles, yeah! Hmm... maybe a little bit of a warm-up wouldn't be bad..._

Renji crouched down to the floor and started to do push-ups. 1, 2, 3, 4...

Rukia, after changing in her Chappy the Rabbit pyjamas and matching slippers, sat on the cool winter grass with a blanket around her body, enjoying the warmth of the fire she had just lit. For an ice controller, the years of being cold in Inuzuri had turned her into a skilled fire starter. She poked a marshmallow with a twig and held it close to the flames, waiting for the delicious char that would mean that her treat was ready.

However, a powerful and yet carefully controlled surge of Hollow reiatsu coursed through her, one that was shielded so well that only a person who knew it like the back of their hand would be able to recognize it. She jumped up and before she could blink, her husband, or, more correctly, her Hollow-possessed husband, was standing a few paces from her, seething with anger and drawing deadly circles with a white and black Zangetsu in the air ominously.

"WHERE IS HE?" yelled Shirosaki, in his distorted voice.

Rukia scowled and approached the dangerous creature, having no doubt that he wouldn't hurt her. A low growl produced from his throat as he eyed his little 'Queen', who at the moment seemed just like the girl who used to sleep in the King's closet, only with longer hair.

"Ichigo," she ordered sternly, addressing her husband rather than the being who had taken over.

"Sorry, da King ain't here..." snickered Shirosaki and smirked as he bent down to her level. "Hadn't I toldcha yer only ours, Queen?"

"Hmph..." Rukia scoffed and flinched away. "I have nothing to do with you, Hollow." She tried not to dignify his existence by calling him by his name.

Shirosaki clicked his tongue angrily; he hated being ignored by the woman. "Che, why not call meh King fer a change, ne? Ya sure don't hate meh when ya ridin' my cock!" he snickered loudly, though he knew that pushing it too far would make the King take over.

Rukia reddened in embarrassment; she knew that a few times, when Ichigo had lost himself during sex, the Hollow had seized the opportunity to take over and show her who the better man was.

"Leave," she stated, trying not to let him get in the house. "I won't let you hurt Renji."

"I WON'T LET ANYONE TOUCH MAH WOMAN!" he roared and cut the air, imagining it was the very red head.

"YOU ARE BEING INSANE!"

"No, Queen, ye should learn ya place and afta I'm done wit' the pineapple, Imma pound so hard in ya, yer not gonna be able ta walk!"

Rukia clenched her jaw and threw her fists at the man's chest, though it did nothing at all to him. "DAMMIT ICHIGO, DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT!"

Tears trickled on the corners of her eyes. "Why are you making this so hard, huh? WHAT'S FUCKING WRONG ABOUT CAMPING?"

For a moment, the Hollow and Ichigo from within were stunned. "W-What?" the voice fluctuated between Ichigo's and the Hollow's.

"What. Is. Wrong. About. Camping!" she pointed at the tent and fire accusingly, using the twig with the marshmallow on the tip. "I only wanted us to have a good time, eat marshmallows and sleep in the sleeping bags! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH THAT!?"

The shock was so great, that Shirosaki was knocked right back into Ichigo's inner world. "Wait..." started Ichigo, once he took over completely. "You know what a threesome is, right?" he asked in astonishment.

"OF COURSE I DO! Camping for three, Rangiku told me!"

_Holy Shit... _thought both Ichigo and Shirosaki together.

As the information got processed into Ichigo's brain, his whole face lit up in elation and relief. Rukia, his little silly Midget! He had thought he had lost his wife!

Rukia saw the abrupt change in Ichigo's countenance and blinked, but before she could question him, he dragged her into a suffocating hug and started to kiss her everywhere his lips could reach.

"I-Ichi-... Ichigo..." she protested, but he was relentless.

"I love you..." he growled huskily against her lips. "I adore you, dammit..." he kept mumbling as he attacked her with kisses.

"I-I don't understand..." she complained, waving the twig with the marshmallow in the air.

... 116... 117... Renji almost passed out on the bathroom floor from the strain of doing so many push-ups. Okay, he was ready! He pulled off his hakama and stood in just his tribal pattern boxers. He looked down at his slightly erect member and quickly prayed that he would pull through, before marching out and looking around for Rukia. He saw the door to the back yard open and headed towards it, then saw something that partially made his blood freeze in potential fear of death.

"Ichigo, Ichigo!" Rukia flailed, as he tried to tug at her pyjama shirt to get to her shoulder.

Renji found his terrified eyes pinned on the couple, unable to understand if that meant that they were actually having that threesome. Renji was never into voyeurism, but he wouldn't mind seeing the couple at it... Wow, it was kinda hot. So, run and try to save his life or stay and potentially get something out of it?

So, Renji did the act that would seal his fate. He coughed.

A dazed Rukia and an alarmed Ichigo turned his way and the woman almost screamed bloody murder and covered her eyes in shock, then the man roared, his eyes turned to gold.

Oh-Oh.

"**BANKAI!**"

Rukia, still holding the marshmallow, watched in shock as Renji started to run down the street in his underwear, with her husband's bankai emanating murderous waves of energy behind him. She blinked several times, standing behind dumbly, with the twig lifelessly hanging from her hands.

"KUCHIKI-SAN!"

The woman, still lost about everything, turned to see the pink haired lieutenant of squad eleven sitting on Zaraki-taicho's back and waving at her by the door of the house.

"I felt Kurosaki go Bankai! Where is he? I don't want to miss the action!" demanded the gruff captain.

Rukia sighed, "I don't know what happened... one minute we are about to camp, the next Ichigo wants to kill Renji and Renji... wasn't he cold?" she wondered, more to herself. Changing into his boxers in the middle of winter was not the brightest idea. Maybe he had a fever...?

"Oh, Kuchiki-san!" exclaimed Yachiru, looking at the treat in Rukia's hand. "You have marshmallows?"

Rukia blinked. Everything for camping was ready and she doubted Ichigo or Renji would return any time soon. And Rukia had developed a good relationship with captain Zaraki and his lieutenant during the years she'd visit Ichigo while he was still in squad eleven.

She smiled and decided that maybe something good could come out of today's disappointments.

"Hey guys, want to come over and have a threesome?"

* * *

**You gotta love the ending, haha! I hope you enjoyed it and found it somewhat in character. **

**I actually found myself tearing when I wrote Byakuya's part. - Neko-chan!**

**Review please :3**


	2. Bonus: Kiss and Make Up

**Bonus chapter for all you nasties who crave lemons~**

***ahem* Actually, this is mostly because I'm getting a request out of it. XD Here you go, Miss Nasty! (I'm talking to you, Forester!)**

* * *

Unohana-taicho was the only one to keep her calm once a very angry Kurosaki-taicho barged in the Squad Four medical facility with a collapsed Abarai-fukutaicho over his back. The rest of the squad members had immediately screamed in terror and shot to hide.

"What a day, Kurosaki-taicho…" commented Unohana. "First I receive your entire squad, severely wounded from a hollow attack, then my paramedics are sent to your house to pick up your former captain and lieutenant, and now you bring me your brother-in-law's fukutaicho as well. There really seems to be bad luck surrounding those affiliated to you," she smiled, and Ichigo scowled deeply, then dropped Renji on the floor, along with the little that remained from Zabimaru.

The red-head was not severely wounded; he didn't want to fight Ichigo at any cost, so knocking him out had been without the need to inflict serious damage. However, taming Shirosaki's killing intent was Ichigo's biggest straggle. The Hollow had dissected through Renji's bankai like a maniac, but Ichigo had finally managed to tame his own fury and thus overcome his Hollow, when Renji explained that Ichigo had, in his drunkenness, given his consent to the threesome.

Now, Ichigo might be protective, and his Hollow might be a psychotic narcissistic killer, but the Berry had logic (against evidence of the contrary, provided by anyone who knew him). Renji had acted under the impression that he wouldn't break Ichigo and Rukia up; he only wanted to fulfil his fantasy once given the green light. Ichigo had to admit that most of this mix-up was really his fault; if he hadn't believed Rukia to have lost her mind and if he hadn't gotten drunk, none of this would have happened. From now on, he would have to sit his wife down and give her what he guessed Byakuya had never even fathomed talking to her about; the infamous sex talk.

"What happened to Evil Jingle Bells and the Pink Menace?" inquired Ichigo.

"Well, your wife notified us that they were frozen in your yard for hours after they passed by your house. They appear to have suffered sock-induced paralysis and a minor stroke," stated the woman, smiling.

"Ah… and my team?" murmured Ichigo, more concerned about the scolding he would get from the Captain Commander for abandoning his squad during a mission.

"They'll live, but I don't see Squad Fifteen getting into any action for a couple of weeks." The woman moved over Renji's unconscious form and her eyes darkened when she addressed the man, "I think I will leave it up to Abarai to inform his captain about his condition."

Ichigo nodded with a sigh and shunpoed away, towards the silent outskirts where his home stood.

Once he landed on his front lawn, he noticed that all the lights were out, except for the fire that still illuminated his back yard. He walked on the crisp grass and made out the small shadow inside the tent, emanating soothing waves of reiatsu. The corners of his mouth pulled up and he stabbed Zangetsu to the ground next to the warm fire; then slowly proceeded to carefully open the tent and crawl inside.

Rukia was asleep in her Chappy pyjamas, her torrent of raven locks sprawled on the pillow and her dainty hand resting by her face, looking for him. Her mouth was partly open, leaving small puffs of air through, and she looked so small and innocent; like a child.

He gently caught her hand and rolled it in his, looking down at the cheap moonstone ring she had never once removed from her finger; when, between uncontrollable tears, she had accepted his proposal, Ichigo had promised to her that he would get her a better ring one day. Instead of a tender kiss, Ichigo had received another one of her infamous punches in response. "Don't talk shit about my engagement ring, Baka. It's perfect." She hadn't even kept her ridiculously expensive wedding band (courtesy of his brother-in-law) and Ichigo refused to wear, as he called it, 'Byakuya's jewellery'. Instead, they had opted for a more permanent expression of their bond.

He kissed her forehead and smiled against her skin, and she stirred in her slumber, but refused to wake up. Poor Midget. She had stayed up the previous night to look after him, and though he loved her, he was determined not to let her get any sleep tonight, either.

"Midget…" he murmured, as his lips travelled down her face to nip at her jaw. He loved calling her like that; it reminded him that he was the only one who had the right to do so.

"Mmmm…" Rukia grunted, and pouted in her sleep.

Ichigo grinned evilly and rose from her face, then created a circle with his thumb and index and forcefully jabbed his finger to her forehead. "WAKE UP, MIDGET!"

Rukia jumped up with a squeal, and Ichigo dodged her flailing fist (it was easy, once he knew to expect it). She sat up, her hair a glorious mess of tangled locks and her top falling to reveal her shoulder that called for him to bite it.

"Ichigo, what the hell!?" she demanded.

"You wouldn't wake up any other way," he grinned.

Rukia scoffed. "Have you turned bipolar or something? First you get mad that I want to have a threesome, then you smother me and then you try to kill Renji and NOW you want to have a threesome after all? What's the matter with you? And what did you do to Renji?"

"The Pineapple's gonna be fine…" he rolled his eyes, though his Hollow wanted to disagree. "Now…" he smirked at her.

"Now nothing, Strawberry! Get out! I'm having the threesome by myself!" she declared angrily, and Ichigo tried not to laugh.

"Midget…" he murmured, "A threesome doesn't mean 'camping', silly."

"Yes it does," Rukia answered stubbornly, but saw her husband shake his head victoriously.

"Nope…"

Rukia's eyes widened. "W-what?"

"Now…" started Ichigo as he returned to kissing her neck, "let's say that I could multiply you…"

_I wouldn't mind that… _snickered Shirosaki perversely.

"Y-yes…" replied Rukia as she gave into his kisses.

"And then I would have two of you…"

"Aha…"

"And we'd all 'go camping' in bed… now… that would be a threesome." Ichigo snickered in her neck.

Rukia's eyes opened wide in shock and her jaw fell. "No way…"

"Way…" he snickered. "Matsumoto proposed it anyway."

Rukia was left frozen and Ichigo sat up and smirked right in her face. "B-But Renji…"

"Renji…" started Ichigo irritably, but then sighed internally and decided to be the bigger man, against his Hollow's protests. "He had misunderstood as well." _Yeah, right… _

"I thought he wanted to sleep with you, that's why I chased him, but he really just wanted to go camping." There. Now Ichigo had officially repaid the Pineapple for beating him up and secured a place in heaven.

"Oh…" Rukia sighed in relief. "Oh Ichigo…" She looked up at him apologetically. "I'm sorry…" She brought her hand up to stroke his face. It all made sense now; that's why he was so mad and he had gotten so drunk.

"You know, I really got scared for a moment…" he admitted.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I would never even dream of doing such a thing, I-"

Ichigo hushed her with his hand. "I know. I'm an idiot, I should have guessed that you had misunderstood."

"I'm such an idiot…" Rukia slapped her face.

"Hey…" Ichigo tagged her chin up with a smirk. "That's my wife you are talking about."

Rukia smiled awkwardly as he pulled her up for a kiss.

"Ichigo…" she murmured with a smirk, "Will you 'go camping' with me?"

"Always and forever," he stated and he proceeded to deepen the kiss, which immediately made her melt into him.

"By the way…" Rukia stated and raised an eyebrow with a smirk. "What I said about having a threesome with another woman…" her eyes darkened mischievously. "Don't you dare…"

Ichigo smirked deeply. "Oh love… they are all above my desirable height limit…"

"What!" a playful jab to his ribcage had him cursing his luck.

"Dammit, Midget…"

Rukia's time to savor her victory was short-lived, once Ichigo grabbed her ankles and pulled at her legs to pin her underneath him.

"What would I do without you…" he wondered and wrapped his arms around her, resuming his passionate kisses to her exposed neck.

"You would be a thirty-something cop, with no greater worries than parking tickets and a couple of kids in kindergarten, with a tall wife who would know what a threesome was," she replied.

"Hmmm…" pondered Ichigo. "Then I would probably be more dead than I am now."

"Why? You would have a cop moustache," she joked and giggled.

Ichigo pictured it and he felt his eye twitch. "Damn…"

"And I would probably be married to a stone cold, stuck-up nobleman, who probably wouldn't know what a threesome was," she pulled her tongue out.

"Yeah, but then you would live in a mansion with servants…" Ichigo slightly frowned.

"Baka…" she murmured as she pulled him down to her lips. "I'd rather stay in this tent with you a million times."

And they effectively ended every conversation. One month of abstinence was just too fucking much.

His hands unbuttoned her shirt quickly as she pulled off his gi. God, she'd missed his body more than anything. She trailed her palms over the hard muscles and he moaned in her mouth as his hand snaked under her shirt to pull it away. He broke the kiss to move down and take her tender hard nipple in his mouth, as his other hand palmed her other breast wildly.

"Oh Ichigo…" Rukia arched into him and moaned, scrapping her nails against his skull the way he loved.

He gave a lick to the hard pink bud, before moving to the left side of her ribcage and kissing the small token of their marriage; a small but noticeable strawberry tattooed close to her heart.

Rukia was frantic; her hands fought with the folds of his obi to remove his hakama and get to the rock hard erection between his legs. Ichigo sat up and removed his pants, sitting in just his tight boxers as Rukia jumped on him and kissed him deeply, rubbing her chest to his. Ichigo's hand travelled down to cup her lush and firm ass, then started to pull down her pyjama pants anxiously. Rukia was kissing and biting his neck while he tried to remove her soaked panties. She stroked the broad chest that she couldn't get enough of and kissed the small crescent moon tattooed over his heart, before pulling at the band of his underwear in need.

"Impatient…" Ichigo grinned, though he was afraid he would lose his sanity if she didn't get inside her soon.

He pushed her back on the floor of the tent and pulled off her panties to reveal her completely soaked and throbbing pussy. He didn't know how he managed to remove his boxers that fast, but the next moment he had buried himself inside Rukia to the hilt, savouring her moans of pleasure. He usually needed to go slow since he was big and she was small and tight, but they had waited for so long that she was too horny to care.

Ichigo immediately started to thrust inside of her and Rukia cried aloud and wrapped her legs around him tightly, urging him to go faster. She could hardly remember the last time she had been so incredibly turned on; four weeks without sex was just too much. Ichigo grabbed her hips and started to piston in and out of her, watching her face overcome with extreme pleasure.

"I-Ichigo!" she mewed when she felt her pussy tighten and convulse, and she arched her back, holding onto the pillow under her head for dear life. "Ichi-!"

The man growled as her walls gripped his cock and put one last effort into his frantic thrusts, before they both came hard, with loud screams of pleasure.

Ichigo collapsed on top of her, and Rukia stroked his back in blissful exhaustion. "God, I've missed you..." she sighed. She felt the cock inside of her become hard again and her eyebrows rose.

"I've missed ya too, Queen..."

Her eyes opened wide when he lifted his head and she was confronted with golden irises, less taunting than normal.

"Now..." he grinned, and flipped them around so that Rukia was on top. "Why dontcha ride the Horse before the King gets back?"

Rukia Kuchiki may not be tall, incredibly skilled, or stunning. But she knew damn well how to ride a Stallion; with credit to nobility riding lessons and her amazing thighs. She bounced on the hard cock like a pro, with little help from the pale hands holding her hips. Shirosaki was grinning wildly underneath her, bringing his hips up to meet hers mid-thrust.

"Mine..." the moan came out of his mouth under his breath, his eyes feasting on her nude body and bouncing breasts.

Rukia looked down at him as she bobbed her body on the hard appendage, her eye peeking under the long locks plastered to her face. She rolled her hips over his, trying to remove that damn grin off his face and see him beg for more.

She was fucking him hard now, and he was slowly losing himself in pleasure. Her pussy was so slick that his cock slipped inside her like a piston. She tried to restrain the frantic cries in the back of her throat, barely covered by the sound of skin slapping against skin.

She assaulted his hips with hers viciously, trying to control her own impending orgasm to watch his undoing.

"Dammit..." he hissed and arched, as Rukia's pussy strangled his shaft that throbbed with need.

"Cum..." she ordered him, and rode him until he had emptied his balls inside of her and dropped back, spared.

Rukia, biting her lip, was still anxiously sitting on the softened cock with a burning need for release. She started to roll her hips in swift and hard circles, and the eyes of the man below her snapped open to reveal soft brown pools.

She smirked and bent down to kiss her husband's lips passionately. "Make me cum..."

He kissed her back deeply and chuckled, "He won't come out for a few hours..."

"How so?" she asked with a smirk, feeling his cock stir to full hardness.

"I plan on going non-stop," he declared darkly. "It was only warm-up till now."

"Ambitious..." she whispered against his lips.

"No more talk now," he turned them around. "I only want to hear your screams."

He kept true to his word. After the all-nighter marathon sex of Ichigo and Shirosaki, Rukia could honestly say what a threesome felt like; and it was so exhausting she would never want to do it any time soon.

It was almost noon when Rukia woke up to Ichigo's suggestive kisses.

"Good morning…" she purred, and gave a soft bite to his neck.

"Mmmm…" Ichigo smiled happily and cradled his wife in his arms. "We should go camping more often," he commented as he started to trail kisses on her jaw.

"Ichigo…" she protested when he started to rub her thighs. "We have to get up and… check up on Renji…"

Ichigo scowled against her skin. "He will be fine…"

"And we have to notify nii-sama…"

"Who gives a fuck about Byakuya?" he retorted.

"I do! He'll be mad when he finds out you fought Renji! Not to mention he could find out about you getting drunk! And I have to go visit Zaraki-taicho! We have to explain-"

"Rukia, I'm trying to make up for a month's worth of sex here!" protested Ichigo. "For as long as I have before your days of the month!"

Rukia's eyes widened in alert. "Ichigo…"

"Who cares about what they think, I can take down Byakuya, Renji and the entire Squad Eleven too!" he bragged.

"Is that so, Kurosaki?" the bass voice of Rukia's brother rang in the tent, and a few threatening sakura petals made their way in, through the small opening at the foot of the tent.

"Nii-sama!" Rukia immediately covered her body with the sheet, though she was certain he wouldn't be able to see them from outside.

"What the hell?" barked Ichigo, trying to slap away the menacing petals that danced around his head.

"COME ON OUT HERE KUROSAKI AND SAY THAT AGAIN!"

"Evil Jingle Bells?" blinked Ichigo. "What the-"

He pulled on his hakama only and quickly exited the tent, once he made sure Rukia was decent. By the burnt out logs stood his brother-in-law with a swarm of unappreciative petals behind him, and his ex-captain, flailing his zanpakuto with a killing intent. Yachiru was sitting by Zaraki's feet, munching on the marshmallows with no care in the world.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

"Ichigo!" Rukia came out of the tent, blushing and holding the sheet to cover her nudity.

"First, I learn from the Men's Association that they want to move their quarters to my mansion because you destroyed their bar after your asinine binge-drinking. Then, I learn that you sent my lieutenant to the Intensive Care Unit and not only that; but you actually went as far to suggest a grotesque carnal activity to your former captain?"

Color literally drained from Ichigo's head and Rukia quacked in shock, once she realized her brother knew. But why was he blaming Ichigo?

"Kenny just wants an excuse to beat up Carrot Top," murmured Yachiru after pulling at Rukia's leg. "Rangiku came to see me at the hospital and I figured out what happened; you are so funny, Kuchiki-san!" she grinned.

"Ichigo, nii-sama, please don't fight! I have good news, I-"

"FIRST OFF, I'LL DRINK HOWEVER MUCH I WANT, SECOND, WHO WOULD WANT TO MOVE TO YOUR MANSION, THIRD, RENJI HAD IT GOING FOR HIM AND LAST, THE ONLY CARNAL ACTIVITY I WOULD SUGGEST JINGLE BELLS WOULD BE MORTAL COMBAT!" yelled Ichigo, and Rukia slapped her face.

"Ichigo, you idiot, this is the worst time to die on me…" she murmured angrily.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura."

"BRING IT ON!" Ichigo reached for Zangetsu, but found his former captain happily dangling his zanpakuto in his hands.

Oh-Oh.

"Oh, not again…" Rukia turned as a semi-naked Ichigo ran down the street from a swarm of angry petals, followed by her brother and a maniacally laughing 'Evil Jingle Bells' with Yachiru on his back, yelling, "Go, Byakushi, go!"

Rukia once again stood alone in her back yard. "Idiot, you'd better be there when I have the baby…"

* * *

**Wrote this in a haste, but I hope it didn't suck. **

**Bonus chappie deserves a bonus review, no? :p**


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